caffeinepig

I found this article interesting on MSN today.
The title itself is very pertinent to everyone who had been involved in a relationship...:)
Have a bit patience and read it through. maybe you would come up some your own comments.

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Are you over your ex? Are you sure?

I was recently talking with a young brotha who was finding it hard to let go of a relationship, so I passed along some information to help him along his journey. I have much respect for this young man for recognizing the situation he's in and that his happiness will come from his ability to face the truth.

It also brought to mind that I've come across many dudes that are still stuck on their ex, yet they fail to recognize it themselves. From them still having intimate pictures up in their living rooms to talking about them in every breath. And the sad part is that they themselves are blocking their own blessings by not being able to fully recognize the new person that may have been brought into their lives. So I'm posting this article for anyone that may be finding it hard to let go and find someone after a love they have lost.

Are you over your ex? Are you sure?
By Alonna Friedman

The Big Breakup is behind you and your old flame is presumably purged from your life. You're dating again, but why haven’t you met anyone worth a leg wax? You're vibrant, attractive and thoughtful. Why aren’t you clicking with anyone? Um, hello, you’re not over your ex! Your friends can see it—and your dates probably sense it, too. The only one who doesn't get it is you!

"We often don't see that we are not ready [to date again] because we're trying to be strong and protect ourselves," says Gilda Carle, Ph.D., author of Don’t Bet on the Prince! How to Have the Man You Want By Betting On Yourself. "Women want immediate gratification to heal wounds, so now that guy X is gone, bring on guy Z." Getting involved with someone new only works if your ex is out of your system.

So how do you know you're emotionally prepped to take a chance on love? These guidelines will help gauge your dating ability. You're ready if:

1. His name is no longer part of your lexicon. "You need to talk about your ex to process the breakup and exorcise him from your mind," says Rhonda Findling, author of Don't Call That Man: A Survival Guide to Letting Go. "But if you still make references to him months down the line, you're still preoccupied." That goes for praising him and badmouthing him.

2. You've erased all signs of him. Any reminder, no matter how cute or fuzzy, will let the relationship specter haunt you. Take those photos, the stuffed monkey, and the cheap necklace and hide them in the back of the closet. Even less obvious bits of the past can keep you from moving forward. "I deleted his number from my cell because it came right before my mom's so I saw his name all the time," says Carla, 28, of New York City. "Then I got rid all the voicemails I had saved."

3. Reminders of him don't cause pain. Some things you can't put up in the closet. Whether it's the song you danced to when "I love you" was first uttered or hearing someone order his favorite sandwich in a deli, you should no longer get weepy. Lots of people like roast beef on rye. It's okay if you're prompted to remember him briefly, but sad thoughts should not prevail.

4. He has a new girlfriend—and you’re happy about that. "I heard my ex was seeing someone new and I was jealous at first," says Marie, 29, of San Diego, CA. "It was only when I stopped feeling sick to my stomach that I knew I was 100 percent over him." When you feel genuinely happy that he has moved on, it's time for you to do the same.

5. You stop comparing new men to your ex. "You can blame it on lack of chemistry, but if you aren't ready to start a new relationship, you'll come up with any excuse for why the date was bad," says Findling. You are over him when you can peg a bad date as just that — bad — and not blame the guy for failing to live up to your ex.

6. Having the weekend to yourself feels fine. When your other half is gone, being alone feels dreadful. How can you get through that unstructured time without that special someone by your side? But eventually that anxious outlook fades. "Weekends were always for couple time, so it was hard to be single on Sundays," says Linda, 32, of Englewood, NJ. "Then one day I woke up and was so relieved that I could enjoy some peace and quiet." Once being solo is as appealing as being a duo, you'll have better luck finding another (better-suited) partner.

Not over him yet? Three tricks to get you on track
1. Think negative thoughts. To edge closer to your "I'm so over him" status, remind yourself of all the things you couldn't stand (Why couldn't he shut up during movies?). Even better, ask your friends to remind you. They'll probably have plenty of ammo.

2. Get your new support system going. Got a new job offer? The ex may be the first one to pop into your head to call for advice, but don't—call your sister instead. Rent going up again? Complain to a coworker. You need to reprogram who you turn to for support and advice so your brain can really erase his presence.

3. Dream up your fantasy man. We all think about what we (or he) could have done differently to make the relationship work. But rather than harping on "what if's," make a list of your top five dreamy characteristics in a future boyfriend. And share them the next time you're out with the girls. Who knows? Maybe they've got just the guy for you.